D for Doucement or Dusuma?

When a bank is behind an event  with KShs.30,000 VVIP tickets, it is not so much to demonstrate their pride in Kenyan talent as it is to demonstrate with whom they prefer to go to bed with. 

#PlayKenyanMusic down the drain like that. The only band that I had hopes would get the kenyan music here, is breaking up the lead artist smells the kamisi of the ex before he sleeps. Smh

Anyway, Stanbic Bank Kenya and Radio Africa Group pulled the strings for the much-discussed Boyz II Men concert in Kenya. The ticket prices, genre, and performers all indicate who they are trying to impress. 

First let me get this, the ticket prices came in three; Regular, VIP and VVIP. The VVIP tickets sold out fast even before the venue was announced. The VIP tickets followed closely and now all that is left is the regular ticket. That goes for ksh.8000. If that were Samidoh’s concert, those would have been the VVIP tickets and they wouldn’t be sold out without an offer.

These people already bought VVIP tickets without even knowing where the event was. What if it was staged in Moyale? Yaani a whole 60 k (I’m sure it’ll be a couples thingie).

Back to our Stanbic Event. Those djs that repeat the song like 7 times, pause the music to give a dry joke and use Dj Afro’s statements as effects have no chance here. Dj line up includes Dj CnG, Dj Dream, Dj Forest, and Dj Shaky. How many have you heard of?

But the Generation X guys , who were born between 1965 and 1980, as well as the first Millennials will undoubtedly enjoy this. They probably have loads of cash to spend from years of hard work, a well-managed fortune, excellent business acumen, or investments, and they don’t mind spending it on fun.

They will drink cognac, you’ll be downing konyagi. Anyway the end goal is the same, to extinguish. Right?

These guys are not the ones you find to discuss how much Unga costs are skyrocketing.People here are more concerned with how the drought has affected the Golf Club’s greens than with the mboga za kienyeji you’re growing on your 50-by-100-foot plot. How the dollar fairs against the euro, and features that come with the latest iOS update. 

Actually, you will not find them being fans of Chelsea (this is not a boda boda sacco)or the noisy United and clueless Arsenal Fans. Arsenal fans are the same people whose favorite color is pink when they see a red flag. They are the problem in most relationships. Stanbic’s event attendees, like me, we are Manchester City fans. Cool, composed, talk of class, talk of elegance. There are lanes to this thing buana.

English is the mode of language and you clearly cannot be saluting them “Wozza! Wozza!” like you want to beat them stories of jaba. Sheng is regarded as a less essential language. They are residents from leafy suburban/urban areas and are affluent.

The group is full of guys who attended school in the United Kingdom and the United States and are now residing “back home”. Those who studied in Alliance please Thika Road has Quiver and the exit is on the left. In this group are individuals with accents that make them sound as though they went to Mso, Saints, Kianda, Boma, LCVR, Chox, Pango, Patch, Changez, Kabz, Strath, PB uptown, and other locations. Next in line are the inividuals who carpooled  to Choices and Carni.

You’re not getting a thing are you? Exactly. This is definitely not your event. 

Obviously, the gen X generation are diverse, but these are exceptional. Perhaps this is why the festival is dubbed the “Yetu festival” and not the “Watus festival.” Have you noticed there are no hype masters here. They don’t want noise, they want loud music. Get the difference.  Music that won’t have your girlfriends embarrassing themselves with those tiktok dance moves.

Actually this type of organization I believe  existed in the past. Position is most likely at the center of today’s coterie. A group of individuals who, based on what they hear from one another, tend to trade in the same circles and with the same institutions.

The cars these people drive? Kimani with his probox doesn’t stand a chance so do the noisy subarus gang . The parking lot will be packed with Range Rovers, Tx and the modern SUVs and convertibles you have as wallpapers in your phone. Cars your girlfriend’s bluetooth has connected to. Confirm if you think it’s a joke. I don’t need to remind you a full tank of such guzzlers is equivalent to your monthly expenditure. They will pick your girl up with your dream car.

This group desires personalized service, high interest rates, administrators who are available 24 hours a day, priority access to exclusive financial opportunities, benefits, and entertainment from their bank.

Stanbic Bank Kenya has established a distinct path, but only a few individuals can follow it. If you believe that this is where you belong, you are welcome to join Stanbic. You can do this by attending the show to satiate your short-term fear of missing out (FOMO) or by inquiring about their products to determine your long-term compatibility. Their business pledge, “IT CAN BE,” is notable and deserving of mention.

Oh, and they asked Anthony Hamilton last year, which indicates that they are not talking to wealthy individuals who enjoy dancing the Kuna Kuna at large venues on Thika Road, regardless of their wealth.

You can go feel bad over there if you believe you are wealthy and still banking with banks that regularly trends on twitter. (I am not talking about Equ..never mind). Perhaps your brown or green local bank will shortly throw you a large Mugithi or Mwomboko party to make you feel like a member of their family.

You guys just see me this this. Munanionanga hivi hivi sana. Ebu someone make me mad. I also want to record myself flaunting the notes I own in my bungalow in Gwa Kairu. I am the Hushpuppi here. 

Dusuma people wait for your noisy Mcs at Quiver Lounge, Doucement Lads, let’s listen to RnB’s.

#marketing #advertising #branding #finance #banking #kenya #YetuFestival 

-Anonymously Yours

Illustration by George Mouse