E for Eagle

Relationships are tough, let no one lie to you about anything. Infact if you are okay sleeping alone like a sickle, just keep at it. It’s tough out here. Ama why do yo think you only find one sock of yours? It’s hard being in pairs.

But I never imagined at one point we would be this bad that the only way we’ll need to salvage our relationship was to seek counseling. Well here’s what happened and we found ourselves booking a slot for a relationship counseling session. 

For starters, I am one hell of an overthinker. I tend to create a mountain out of every anthill situation and that is me. I fully accepted that. 

However, my lady’ thinking makes me question if she was dropped on the floor when she was a baby. She loves to ask questions about things that can never and will never happen. I tend to think all women suffer from hypothetical thinking. What would you do if?  Hypothetically speaking but not really but what if, could, might be… 

So this time we’re just watching an animal documentary on the Big 5. Then she went, 

‘Babe what if one time we’re on the safari walk and I get attacked by the lion.’

The lion she’s pointing at is one mature male. Dark brown mane flowing on the neck and he’s from dropping down a one-tonne buffalo on his own. Just his paws and a powerful bite on the neck. The killing beast probably weighs close to 250 kilograms (Me and her combined times three). I looked at my girl and just wanted to confirm if everything is right,

 ‘That lion there, attacked you?’

‘Yes babe. What would you do?’

What do you mean what could I do. I don’t know what she thinks of me in the head. Goodness gracious, it’s a fucking lion. Why do you think it’s called the King of the jungle. I would do nothing. I tend to believe that story of Samson fighting a lion, what if Samson was things (alikua mavitu) and fought a cat and he mistook it for a lion? Think about it.

‘I don’t know, probably reminisce the last moments we shared together with you.’

Girl got mad. I just don’t get it. Who in their right mind would go around picking a fight with a lion over its prey. A prey it has hunted down. Can’t be me. I am not that guy. You thought she was done with the story? Oooooooh

‘Babe what if I escaped the attack and made it to the car?’

I looked at her again and really questioned my judgemental skills. This was the one I chose aki to do life with. What kind of attack is that when a lion attacks you and you escape? Did she tickle it? 

‘Imposible babe. You can’t escape that. Kwani what was it after if it attacked you?’ I told her.

‘It bit my one arm and one leg’ 

‘It bit your one leg and arm and somehow you escaped it and got to the car? Was it on one side, cause if it was one side how would you even be walking?”

She retorted, “stop being a ****. Just answer the question”

 I simply took the remote and asked her what she would love to watch cause at the moment, I was just choosing peace over everything. And that is how we binge watched Emily in Paris. Sad fact, I loved it.

Away from that, this is what happened that made us see ourselves into the therapist’s office;

You ever had a good day with your girl. You know what I’m talking about, you sitting there looking at her, she looking at you, words unspoken but you feel like it’s the best conversation you guys are having. You’re admiring her forehead and you’re just glad you picked her. In the midst of the random conversations, the typical her, this time she doesn’t ask what are we? Or what are you thinking. Instead she asks, “what would you be if you were an animal?”

‘I would be a lioness. Aaargh, (she roars)” That’s nice. I think to myself. “What would you be, any animal in the world?” she asks.

Wueh, I haven’t given it a thought so I started thinking. I have been watching Nat Geo but I was just after an animal that best represents me. Aaah yes, I would live to be an eagle. Yes, focused and the king of the sky. I would love to be an eagle.

She gave me that look, that dissatisfactory look and she retorted, “Baby what?”

‘I’ll be an Eagle’

“You’re gonna be what Levis?’

‘I said I wanted to be an eagle’

‘and what did I say I wanted to be?’

‘You said you wanted to be a lioness’

‘You don’t see any problem with that? If you don’t want to be in this relationship just let me know’

Raising her voice. ‘I said I wanted to be a lioness, that makes you a lion’

‘Come on, I didn’t know we were together in this animal kingdom.’

Sighs

‘Okay, my bad I will be a lion…’

‘No no no, you don’t want to be a lion, you go ahead and be an eagle. Be an eagle.’

‘Let me ask you something Mr. Eagle, (she does that eye roll thing) would you atleast come visit me?’

Do lions and eagles really visit each other? Now we were having a good time and this will end pretty badly, I thought to myself.

‘No baby, I wouldn’t visit you, you’ll eat me’

‘Oh wow, so now you’d not even visit me? You wouldn’t even check on me? Oh, Lord, you will not even be my friend?’

‘Babe, I am an eagle, you’re a lion, you’ll eat me up’

‘So (rolls eyes, again) Simba had friends, he had friends all over the jungle including that birdy thing.’

‘That’s the Lion King. It’s a movie, come on…’

‘I know it’s a movie and in real life, we are going for couples therapy. I see you need it’

Inspired by Barry Brewer and HartBeat Productions